Here's My Secret For You::

I wish you read these words that I wrote, so you would miss me and remember who I was.

Asshole's.

I wish you knew I wrote words at all.

You used to know.

Now, it's just bullshit.

Splintered Stuffing.

We sat on that park bench.
The blanket enveloped us in its warmth.
And we cried. For an ever lasting moment.
We Cried, Cried, Cried.
The red velvet cupcake in one hand, and my teddy bear in the other.

We knew it was the last time we would ever hold ourselves together.

So we
squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezed. Tightly.
Something better sparked their eyes.
And it made sense.
But I was always beautiful.
Something atrocious sparked my eyes. Yet, I couldn't look away.

So, again, we sat there. In completely silence, except for my heavy breath's of pain. I squeezed my bear and because I couldn't think anywhere near STRAIGHT, I squeezed the other hand, and the cupcake mushed through my fingers and fell on my lap.
I laughed. HA!
I cried. SAD.

"I made this cupcake for you..."
"Yeah, I know..."

I saw a tear run out of their eye. But they quickly swiped it away. I don't think they know that I saw it. But I saw it. I wanted to catch it for them.

"And...you know I don't hate you, right?"
"Yeah, I know..."

They seemed to be terribly angry.
My question was...why?
But, I guess that's always my question.

"I'm sorry, you know?"
"Yeah, I know..."

We sat there. The wind made my face tingle. In that wondrous way it always does. Where your nose becomes rosy red along with your cheeks...you know?
Sprinting ice. That's what the rain felt like. It felt like ice was sprinting all over my face.
The wind picked up. And my hair whipped my ears. I couldn't look at them. I couldn't look into their eyes anymore. I know exactly what would happen. I would wipe the frosting on their nose, and run away. But I don't want to run away. They want me to run away. But I won't. I will not.

I WILL NEVER RUN AWAY.

Too late.

I'm already halfway down the block.

They're still sitting there aren't they?

In the dark. With a blanket. In the rain. With the wind.

No, no. They left long before I did.

But the blanket is still there. Along with the frosting. And...my teddy bear.

Oh, no. My teddy bear.

I left it there. It's going to get wet with the rain. I don't know what to do. I can't go back. I can't see where we sat. I can't. Especially if they haven't left yet. I guess I'll just let them have my teddy bear.

HERE. TAKE IT.
TAKE MY TEDDY BEAR.

TAKE MY FUCKING TEDDY BEAR.

Please...






please?

Well, that's banana's.

Silhouette's. Beautiful Silhouette's.

Stripes of light. Leg.

Woosh. Swiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish, STOP.

"I wish I was the last thing on your mind, before you went to sleep..."

I was too interested in the hourglass, I suppose. But soon enough, the sand ran out and power took hold.

"I wish I had your favorite beaut-y spot..."

Now, let's see.
I guess what happened next, was that it happened too soon. Too fast. Too quickly.

Love Love Love. I'm aloud to love.

So, we danced.

Can I show you something.......it's amazing.
Look out into that black hole.
We are no where.
I want to show you where NO WHERE is.
It exists. More than you think.

"and it was on a hidden bit, that nobody else could see..."

Whap. Kazaam.

The thing is, the black water didn't scare me. It was beautiful. We literally were no where.

The only problem, was that it all happened too fast.

I wish I realized that I didn't know how to handle it. I wouldn't have wasted my time trying to keep it.

It's the only thing that makes her smile now.
He isn't happy!
The fisherman, well...he just needs some food...(girlfriend.)

PLUNK.

Hair was ripped out of my head.
Breathe's weren't difficult. Breathing is fun.

"I wish I was the last thing on your mind..."

And, okay so...
We stood there. Watching the deep black.

And what I realized is that, this is all so pointless. Way too pointless to care about, at least. Especially to that extent.

So then. Care was smashed.

"...before you went to sleep. I wish I was the nicest thing you've ever seen."

A Wish. While Fairytales Come True.

Replay Repeat Repeat Repeat...

"First saved message. Sent...at..."

1. Sleepover. Just you and me, yes?

2. It's 12:00. Happy Birthday. I'm not being an asshole.

3. Welcome to moviefone! Congratulations.

4. I'm proud of you.

6. I know your busy, but I wanted to say goodluck.

7. I was just wondering if you've seen the night sky tonight. Look outside, it's cool.

8. If this is about my hair...

9. We have a clean slate, and I love you.







I'm listening...

Truth without Adjustment.

I'm Sorry.

Help out.

It's a small dose of sugar.

That's what is supposed to help the medicine go down, correct?

And it does. Until the medicine is out.

Just a spoonful, is the usual way to put it.

It's a medicine. It's hilarious...that's what it is.

Everything really.

So, the spoon is slurped down, and then the waiting period begins.

'...Should begin working within twenty minutes of ingestion...'

So you sit. And the syrup begins flowing throughout your body and swarming the infection. Better Better Better.

The sugar is sweet. The sweet is a smile.

Bitter is dead.

The smell remains in your nostrils. And the taste lingers within your buds.

"SMILE! SAY CHEESE!"

It's warm. And comforting. Considering it was so familiar. And so usual when we were younger.

And now that it has surfaced back to it's original pure state, with as much sugar as needed. The medicine will rid of it.

The sugary medicine.

I fear the day it disappears.

Thank you for making me laugh so much.

I've needed it.

Everytime I leave, the precise smile fades from my body.

But the warmth of the sugar remains.

Thank you for making me laugh so hard.

I've really, really needed it.

Plunkity plunk plunk.

"Alert! ALERT!

Please, this is very important. We interrupt your viewing broadcast in order to warn you.

This is an ALERT. Listen. Do not look away.

BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

It's coming again Folks. That's right. Dumby the Dinosaur has resurfaced. He has plooooowed his way through the dirt and engaged in another fight among our army.

Watch OUT!

...and Beware.

Do not let those kids loose! You know what will happen.

ALL WILL FAIL.

All this beauty will not be destroyed if we stick together. Don't let him harm you!

He is only a DUMBY. remember. Only a dumby."

My heart didn't sink today.

But, I know what will happen next time. Next time, it will be pushed into my stomach. That's what will happen...yes...that's what will happen.

Word Vomit.

You promised.

YOU PROMISED.

(ugh. the things I used to say on this website.)

They look like they have fun.

Solidified Emptiness.

Lift your heart.
And surrender it down.

My Body was filled with sand today...

And, at one point, there was this memory. Of a red heart. Perfectly curved at the tops and presicely pointed at the bottom.
Directly underneath the right curve was a lightbulb. It was SO bright then. So bright it was almost purple!

...Those crazy kids...

It slowly lowered down. SLOWLY.
And the light dimmed.

Soon enough it was just a shrivled up, black ball of dust that was tied tightly with a red rope. It is stuck in the precise point of the bottom of the heart.

The heart is drawn on a piece of paper. It's white. The heart is surrounded by white.

''''''''
And, there was this dinosaur!
It wasn't purple.

:So it wasn't Barney?

:: Nope, I wish. His name was actually Ralph. He played the piano.

:Did he eat you?

:: A little bit. But then he spit my arm back out and gave it back to me.

:Well, that's nice of him.

..........
I punched a wall today.

Why?

Because it felt good.

Did you bleed?

A little.

Sweet.
...........

Rain rain go away. We all want to play.

NO WAIT! COME BACK! I WANT TO SING IN THE RAIN!
--------

The couch is empty.

-No it's not, I saw someone sitting in it just a second ago.

That was a second ago. I mean right now. Right now, the couch is empty .

-Yes, I suppose your right. But it's not always empty.

Sometimes empty, is good enough for me.

-Oh bloody hell.
----------
Tell me something. Are you happy?

+No.

Okay. Just wondering.
=======

Please, just listen.

=======

Don't be angry.

It's coming back. And I can't stop it.

But, please...

Don't be angry.

I still love you.


Five years later.

...I apologize.
I really do.

All I want, is for you to be happy.
That's all.

I'm sorry.

Please know that.
Please.

It's impossible to stop caring.

I'll listen to it forever. and ever. and ever.

p.s. I never sleep. and the christmas tree is always lit. come talk to me in the dark if you want, before it's too late. I see the good now. the bad has slipped away.

Lemon TREE.

Seriously though, it's not that beautiful.

I would like you to believe me please.

The lemon tree.

Sour.

Green.

Big.

Sunny.

I'm telling you.

it's ugly. it's REALLY REALLY ugly.

The music makes it look better though. The music makes it look somewhat elegant in it's glowing glare.

The pinkish orange flowers that surround the lemon tree are lifted by the plunks of the piano key.

I wish I knew which keys to plunk.

I wish that, although I do prevent it. And continue to prevent the song from singing.

Oh well.

Laugh.

Ha.

Laugh.

Ha.

Laugh.

Ha.

Ha..

Ha...

lace up.

I realize now that you already have...

but please,

don't let go.

vroom, vroom.

Would you like to know the funny part?

it's pretty much an exact replica of what I created in my mind.

nothing remains. as does no one.

so, please. do us all a favor and keep it that way. no one needs to know the real reason behind those pathetic scars left around your face.

it's a secret that you promised to keep.

a secret that if you know you let loose, will come and pick your atrocious face out from an excited crowd and pound your skin into the ground.

You will scream. and cry. and kick. and blood will fly everywhere, but no one will notice. no one will care. for you, my friend, deserve every blast that is thrown at you. and you know that, don't you?

so please, wait a while to come and find me.

because, if you arrive too prompt, I may remove your breathing pattern.

This is only to caution you. Do not walk around in your life with a constant fear of breath loss...this is only a mere reminder of what will sit in the back of your mind for the rest of your life.

So please, do me a favor and get the hell out of my pillow. my head would like to lie there without your dull thoughts boring into my brain.

Thank you. Thank you for removing yourself from the premises.

I'm assuming we'll meet again.

In about sixty years?

Let's hope so...Let's hope for the best.

Wrinkle, wrinkle. Buzz, buzz.

They walked along the splintered side walk. Quickly, her lenses turned dark, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of large, beat up sun-glasses. The concrete was bright.

The man's balding head had a few gray sgragglers of hair placed about his scalp. The light wind blew them carefully. His skin was largely kissed by the sun with creases of damage. His lips were a dull pink consisting of wrinkles up and down and left and right. He kissed her on the cheek.

Her thinly poofed fifties haircut was died a golden red in order to hide the gray. Her purple glasses placed low on her nose. Her dark blue eyes glanced back at his green ones.

They both reached out each other's paper soft hands, and laced their fingers together.

The old man kissed her on the other cheek. Stood up as straight as he possibly could and focused on her face. He smiled. Swivled his body towards the direction of the car.

He started to slowly walk as his hand pulled hers. They took small steps together.

Holding hands the whole way.

Twinkle Twinkle Large Moon.

pancakes in my hands at two in the morning.

WEAKSAUCE...meaning, the hug was weak. It sucked. Expected.

Accept the expected unexceptedness. I have.

I should've listened to them a long time ago.

Beautiful in Blue.

A ball of light.

I see it a lot. It's this ribbon of light that reflects the colors of the rainbow. And, it contains nothing really except a wall. A THICK wall of bricks.

And, I find myself throwing punches at the wall while my legs try and leap over the gigantic ball of light. Nothing really seems to ever work.

Slowly, sometimes, one string begins slipping out of this ball. It loosens and swims through the rest of the flat ribbons of light. Allowing some sort of appearance and shape to what has been blocked for so long.

Truly though. My feet will walk through the corners of my brain into old images: those that are forgotten, those that are remembered, and just can't seem to untie anything.

So instead, my blue cave eyes freeze on the bare olive green wall in which I am confined to do nothing except...stare. So I do. I stare and wait for the anger to slip under the crack, and the caves to drown with water until the drought comes, and the caves paintings reappear. (and Sid the Sloth can lose Pinkie.)

The pen begins to race around the paper in rage trying to end it's inkie life, while the paper is in pain with each stroke of a swirl.

The speakers switch from loud to soft as the ghosts ears POP.

The sticky lollipop is glued to the desk. It's lonely I suppose.

In. Breathe. Splash.

The convulsing pain of a never ending shake of the body. That means it's physical, yes? You wouldn't imagine that to actually exist now would you?

The cave is far beneath the ground, and is kept secret to those who discovered it.

It contains thick strong walls and miles of a ceiling, but as you walk through it, the cracks grow wider and the rivers run faster and the mud grows softer.

There is one dirty shirt hidden under a rock,

can you find it?

I doubt it. Nobody can.

Well...maybe not NO BODY. I mean, I'm sure you could if you tried.

But most, don't even know the shirt exists.

And then there is the purple knife. Used and rusty.

The worm sleeps on it.