Voice.

You make me hate myself. You make me fear myself. You make me hate every self. You make me FEAR every self.

I'm addicted to you. But I need it to go away. When I find myself truly alone, I find the addiction start to either dwindle away, or surface like an errupting volcanoe. Either way, I'm ADDICTED.

I would like to say it's easier once you get the hang of it. But that would be a lie, because to say it's EASY, would be lightening up the situation. Or making it far more dramatic than necessary.

I lost the note. I accidentally wrote love, but I meant lost.
It literally wasn't my fault though. THey asked, so I gave, then they lost! How on EARTH, my dear, could you have lost it!

Ouchyyywaawaaaaaaa!

'I would like a ONE WAY ticket on the Polar Express please?'

'ALL ABOARD!'

wait.

:Come outside...I want to see what you look like in the wind:

There is this burning feeling inside me.
Just a little bit in love.
NAHHHHH.





never ever. NEVER ever.
(I'm gonna go throw up now.)

baby balooga.

Half of a pie. that equals.....? what, hmmm. I don't know.

Half of a pie...that equals a semi circle. which equals the length of that needle if you bent it in a particular way.

that needle. it equals the throbbing eyeballs. which equals the engulfed laugh inside your chest.

half of a pie. that equals 1/2 the ball of light (with more volume of course) that restricts the grasp of that REPEAT.

the RePeat button got yanked out.

half of a pie...that equals the amount of times I've accidentally sit on the repeat button. and it somehow still manages to replay.

half of a pie, equals the same area as the triangle on the play button.

PLAY. PLAY. PLAY.

Green means GO. so....GO!
...GO! GO! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Half of a pie... equals that insanely, beautiful smell that we breathe when the window across the street exudes blueberries, and raspberries, and strawberries, all mushed together crumbled with a fluffing crust.

Half of a pie.

It equals you.

The other half...my refrigerator ate it.

Or... okay, I did. But don't tell anyone.

I regretted it though. I really did. It made me seem LARGE. and disgusting.

Half of a pie... equals...
half of me.

Blue and White.

That's just it...

I hate goodbye's.

Yet, they always seem to land inside with, simply, the flick of a wrist.

Just a little forgetful sometimes...

Goodbye. (...oops.)

"Never forgive."

I realized just then,
I have no idea why I still care.

I don't, that's just it, I don't care.
Sorry...but I just can't help it...I DON'T CARE.

And because I don't, I've just transformed you into one of my fingers that I rip to it's last breath. So...BLEED. Go on, BLEED.

My god I hope it kills you. those lips curl down, and your eyes tear red blood. I hope those tears swallow up your eyes to the point where you can't see anymore.

I hope one day, you become blind. Because then, maybe I could feel some sort of remorse towards your being.

But, until that day. I hope the Moonlight burns your skin all the way through to core of your heart.

Tra

la

LA!





...Moon. (ha.)

yeah, I know.

NOW. I am then.

NOW.

What do you want to find again? Tell me so I can keep it snug safely inside my wooden treasure chest. Please. I want to know. I don't want to lose it like every one else.

Yourself.

Yourself.

Yourself.

Give me your silence. Give me your tired. Give me your tear drops.

So, I can feel that space start to fill up. and UP and UP.

I can't stand the empty Jack in the Box. Without a Jack to pop out...it's just simple notes that combine together to create one lonesome tune that makes all the little children's stomachs drop. And choke on their lollipops.

Please, just be quiet.

You could've been such a hero, you know? Just with the way your arms used to hold the weakness.

Let's take a ride...back to that place. that moment. that look. that feel.

I want to go back to the moment of interlocked eyes, and fallen faces.

I want to go back to fearing my biggest fear. instead of embracing it.

I want to go back to the rain drops, and the wind, and the lips, and poison, and the shaking, and the waterfalls, and the lipstick, and the clapping, and the reindeer, and the colored lights, and the trust, and the goodbyes.

I want to go back to the goodbyes.

Hello...? Is anyone there? hello!

hello purple...will you cover me?

That day, I wanted to run away...but it's hard to run away from your own feet.

I remember sitting in that blue room. It was so blue.

I watched the older girls. The song would play and their eyes would tear up. The tissue box would be thrown to the middle of the tile's and they would grab that white delicate square as if it was the last thing in their life they would ever touch...

I used to wish I could cry. I wanted to be able to feel what they were feeling. I didn't understand why it was so sad? I thought I did. I wanted to. I tried to cry, but no tears surfaced. They were all stuck inside my clogged tear ducts. My own tears were clogging themselves. (ah, yes.)

I sat there. With my stretched eyes and stared at the older one's. They couldn't keep it in. You could feel those painful breaths.

'My goodness, it's just a song...why are you crying?'

It didn't make sense.

I remember sitting in that blue room, wishing I could cry...

wishing I could feel...SOMETHING.

and now?

... well.

can you REwish a granted wish?

wish...wish. wish.

Wish away.

relapse?

can you call it that?

sure you can.

but that doesn't mean it still isn't fun.

I'M NOT FUCKING YELLING.

CRISPY.

This wind. It feels comfortable. It reminds me of snuggling up in my bed with hott coffee and the warmth of...that thing. That thing. What was it? It's not in my bed anymore.

SILENCE...

It's cold again. My room is windy and I woke up 3 (thirty).

something to keep me slightly warm.

that's all.

not always.

Sometimes,

I sit in front of my mirror. And, I talk to you. and you. and you. and you. and you...

ready, set, GO!

and a BOOM.

and a CRASH.






...yep, the worst part is over.