On a completely unrelated thought...(than yours I mean.)..

I read someone else's letters the other day.

The end of one said...

'P.S. I love you.'

I found a piece of paper on the ground last year and on one side it said...

'To:

Marshall B.'

Below it, encircled in a heart... 'Remember Me.'

The other side...

'let's Dance'

I read someone else's journal the other day...

'I'm not happy, and nobody knows. I'm not happy, and nobody notices. I'm not happy, and the thought of you is the only thing that calms me. I'm not happy, and you are dead.'

I read somebody else's hand today...

'a swirl, and a curl, and a dot, and a rose, and BUTTER.'

I read somebody's face today...

':PAIN:SMILE:FEAR:LOVE:silence...'

I saw the moon last night, right in my window, at three-thirty in the morning...as usual...

'My goodness doesn't that look beautiful? I miss you, you know? (smile)'

I looked into your eyes today...

this is what I saw...'care'

I listened to you today... and I told you...

'I forgave you... a while ago, if that matters...'




She picked up the musicbox, began twisting the knob....She heard nothing.

She heard...NOTHING.

Potential.

"Baby you've got the Sort Of hands to rip me apart. And baby you've got the sort of face to start this old heart. But your eyes are warning me this early morning. That my love's too big for you my love. Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me. And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me. I find you stunning, but you are running me down. My love's too big for you my love. My love's too big for you my love. And if I was stronger then I would tell you no. And if I was stronger then I will leave this show. And if I was stronger then I would up and go. But here I am and here we go again. Baby you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales. That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales. That you don't need me, but you won't leave me. My love's too big for you my love. My love's too big for you my love. And if I was stronger then I would tell you no. And if I was stronger then I will leave this show. And if I was stronger then I would up and go.But here I am and here we go again.Tell me what to do to take away the you?And if I was stronger then I would tell you no. And if I was stronger then I will leave this show.And if I was stronger then I would up and go. But here I am and here we go again..."

I believe in something. And I'm pretty sure, that that's exactly what the problem is.

It's as if you're dead. Well, not completely dead. It's like, you have just been declared as one among the
MISSING PERSONS.
The search team has began grouping together to find your precious body. Alive, or dead.
I'll be there.
Don't you worry.
I'll make sure I get to see your smile one last night.

The idea of you being dead...dislike.

Directions: BREATHE. BREATHE. breathe.

I promise you it won't be difficult. For most people, it's something subconcious. I trust you have the strength for it.

Make those red eyes turn white. As white as...that cloud, right.....THERE.

It's innocent, yes (I know), but don't deny that you understand.

i forgot to mention...

oh. the hair on my head...it was really long.

(You may not believe me, but it was nice to see your face.

I can see your pain...

No matter what.

take it in, sir, take it in.)

365...about that.

1. We were inseparable. 2. We went to Whole Foods for the first time. 3. I saw you about 11 o'clock every night. At my front doorstep. 4. I was in a Circus. 5. We listened to Aristocats together. 6. You swam a lot. 7. You brought me flowers. 8. I made you pancakes. 9. You made my brother eggs. 10. We started writing our deepest thoughts to each other. 11. We were best friends. 12. We were best friends. 13. We were best friends. 14. We were best friends. 15. I lied in the bed of your truck. 16. You drew on my sidewalk in CHALK. 17. We hardly knew each other. 18. You were just a 'school friend.' 19. You told me I looked nice. 20. I didn't even speak to you. 21. I knew that I loved you. 22. We watched the Jungle Book. 23. You constantly came to say 'hi.' 24. I danced, only a little bit. 25. I was a princess. 26. I saw a UFO. 27. You kissed me. 28. Beach. 29. My favorite ring broke. 30. I wore a brown wig. 31. I was still lopsided. 32. I still ate peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches everyday. 33. I cried in your arms. 34. You took me to buy false eye-eyelashes. 35. The three of us got really lost. 36. You didn't kiss me. 37. I had NO clue that the days were going to feel like suffocation.


...Will you please just pick up your fucking head? I'm tired of seeing it slip. and slip. and slip. and slip. and slip. and slip. IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE.

...So is the Celtic Christmas music.

Goodnight.

light mare.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

I was stopped at the stop light. The early morning innocence lifted my lips and craved my smile.

"What are you doing!?" She laughed.

"Smiling..."

"NOOOOOOO....why!?" There was an overwhelming excitment inside her.

"I'm happy for you..." I was smiling.

I looked at sky that was turning brighter by the second. I saw the ordinary homeless man, with gray dreads and his shopping cart, slowly hobble in front of us making his way down, down, down...

I was smiling.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

There was silence for a while. All you could hear was the green arrow blinking from within the digital dashboard.

"What are you smiling about!?" Still...Excited.

"I told you, I'm just really happy for you."

The one without the wheel smiled a cute smile.

The light turned green. "Go GO GO!!"

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

She wrote...The thought of biting my ear does still make me die inside. But, I don't want die anymore. I don't want to kill myself. That's why I am filled with pen's and paper. I fill myself with them in order to remember the innocence of my smile. I love my smile. I love smiling.

Get used to it, Sir.

I'm ready to let loose.

When I look at the clock...

I see these times...

7:11

11:22


Make a WISH!

Goodnight

She walked into the black room. The colors peaked through the moonlit shadows and she softly pressed her door until she heard the click.

As she took her first step, her hand went under the back of her shirt as she unclasped her white-laced bra. Off. She took the next step and smoothly pulled down her flowy skirt. Floor. She picked her princess socks for the night and wrapped them around her feet.

Standing in front of her very own christmas tree, she saw the moon glowing within her window. Her bed was shining with comfort. She pressed the play button and the Leaves started to move. As they do each night. The Adventure struck. And the a Sweaters wrapped up France.

Her body filled with exhaustion as she delicately layed on her lopsided cloud. Her knees nuzzled into her chest. The pillow was yanked to hug. And finally she whispered...

"I miss you..."

The next room over stayed silent. Across the freeway is too crowded to hear. And all the way over there, the city movement is too mad a rush.

...

Address.

What scares me is that...the thought of me swimming across that ocean over there, so I could be as far away as possible, used to freak you OUT.



And Now...you don't even know what color nail polish I wear.

(And if you don't. I will. Eventually.)

Who's the fairest of them all?

I sat there. Staring at the movie screen.

The Killer on that screen took both of his hands and smoothed them over his slick hair. As his hands curved over his round head, her hands caught my eye. The girl, sitting in front of me. Her hands did the same exact motion at the same exact moment. DOWN, LIFT, OVER, DROP. All at once.
It was as if they were mirroring each other.

I knew she did it. No one else believed me. I knew it was her. She killed him.
No one believes me. No one even knows he's dead.

And when they find his blood stained body lying on the gum-stuck concrete...I will know who shot him down.

They won't even notice that his chest isn't moving. They won't think about the fact that his heart has stopped beating. They won't even realize that his brilliant green eyes will never look at something beautiful ever again.

I know he's dead. I know he will never see anything beautiful again.

I made sure of that.

I sure did.

quiet please.

When it doesn't wrap me up, I feel incomplete. I seem to fall apart.

I guess that's just it. I've fallen apart without this everlasting moment.

I don't believe in happy endings.

I don't believe in endings at all actually. But especially the happy ones.

I have a pair of little white socks. Take them as you wish.
But, I doubt that they'll fit.

By the way. It's been washed. Now the smooth butter is all that's left.

"We are trying to make our life into a fairy tale."

Clean Ex.

Nothing will surface, my dear.

It's all been ruined.

It's a pile of ruins.

Clean up, darling, clean up.