EW!

gross.

BOW!

is it odd?

that as I walked down that corridor, it smelled like kindergarden? it did.

and then that funny indian man kept falling into the same path as me. I made a new friend. he was funny.

i got up to barf and the flight attendant reacted as if we were going to CRASH. stressed out, man. WAY too stressed out.

la vie en rose.

the fruit really isn't that bad. and neither is the sushi (mmmmmm). the coffee is delightful. and so is the tea.

it was as if everything in that bag, the bag of worries, was smushed away.

ALL the way away.
especially as I walked down the river.

I wore a hat. And socks.

And the stupid lady didn't let me bring in more than 6 items...I had to rejoin the queue.

Anyway, I guess...the point...the point the point the point.

.

:)!

river.

1. i'm in love. it's absolutely amazing :)

2. not a product. i'm not. so, i will decide not to be.

3. someone else cares more than you.

4. darling. just because I said it, doesn't mean it's the best. use your own words...it's a little weird.

5. new hands.

6. it really could not have been any better.

7. kisses on the cheek are better than...(almost) ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

...

1. I don't bite my lip anymore.
2. my legs aren't that gross.
3. I still am big(ger).
4. My fingers still peel.
5. My hair is back to natural (almost).
6. I still have my pony tail from over a year ago.
7. I'm growing my hair out.
8. I remember that smile SO well.
9. I knew you wouldn't call.
10. We were friends.
11. I don't draw footprints.
12. I don't really write.

Maybe.

Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead Dead DEAD. Deadeaedeadeadeadeadeadeadeadedaedeadeadeadeadeadeadedaedeadeadeadedadeadeadeadeadedadead.

dead. dead. dead. dead.

DEAD.

It's the only way for me to just blank out. I see everything else, except that.

So...DEAD.

I dunno. I guess it makes sense.

I had something to say.

I really did, I came here to say something specific, and now I can't remember.

You wanna know what gets me more excited than it probably should?

Buying then WAITING to use new toiletries.

It's SO frickin exciting.

I wish my Chai Latte lasted longer.

I wish you didn't cease to dissapoint me...then again, it's nice to know that I have NO fear.

Thank you for showing me how to be fearles...no, not thank you. BLESS you.

I will not throw away another unnecessary 'thank you.'

door.

CLOSE.

CLOSE.

CLOSE.


shut.

BAM!

KAZAAM!

Shaquille O'Neil?

CLOSE!

CLOSE THE DOOR!

guilty.

BOOYA!

STOP IT.

I dunno. I saw tears again.

I just wish that you new it would be alright.

"You make me feel safe. I feel like if you were a part of my life you wouldn't let me fail. I'm afraid to fail."

...I dunno, it just keep replaying in my brain.

I love you (all).

Sometimes I legitamtely think I am bipolar=Sorry. I hate it when
it(grendel*) happens, just as much as you do.









*me

Not Until You're Fully Grown.

It's just that. I like what I feel. But I dislike what I see. I like the colors, and the pretty eyes, but sometimes there is just a time to be silent. And you don't take a second, not even a SECOND to realize that. I wish I knew how to fall sideways, but I don't know how to tilt my body that way. I mean...I can to the left, but not the right. And that's the way I need to go.

I know where I'm going though. Actually, I have no idea what the future has ready for me. Which is what I know, and which is what makes it so exciting to the point where I want to scream.

AHH!

I found it today in my drawer. Something I legitamately forgot about. I forgot about you. (subconciously, of course)

Well that's nice of you...

Honestly? I'm no where near mad. it's just stupid.

I am so happy to learn.

Stop suffocating me. You have no idea the way it SHUTS my brain down. I think of NOTHING when it comes to rompers.

Italiano... deserves a smile.

Hard work feels good. Even if it gets me no where...it still feels delightful.

I want to WANT twist my fingers around someone else's.

Ehh, just kidding.

Hello, stranger.

No, I don't write anymore.

But there is something I'd like to say, to myself...at least.

1. I noticed that you started to each sushi rolls in two bites instead of one. I noticed that I've started eating them in one bite instead of two.

2. I don't sit in my care as much. But when the rare occasion does occur. Oh BOY! do I love the calming wind.

3. I cried. And I couldn't control it. You all...it was hard for me to know what it was truly like to CARE about you. but holy shit. I always have. there was just too much standing in my way to realize it. Something else I can say with confidence... "I will miss you."

4. I love my room. I finally have somewhat of a home.

5. Although my eyes have been red. It's been kind of nice have a blurred sense of the world. All I really do is listen. or feel. Not it's not the end of the world and I purposely try to not make a sad face. But it is quite interesing. Really.

6. Things make me laugh. Things make me cry. I'm so excited to be smart. And learn. And have NOTHING stand in my way. Well, let's hope at least...yes?

7. And with that...I know that it's all in your head. in our heads. in my head. I can't wait until it's so natural that I don't even have to think about it.

8. Growing up was harder than I thought. And I still have so much further to go.

9. I love you. All of you.

10. What I want? To hold a hand. And kiss a cheek. I love to smile. Thank you for talking to me.

--Aquamarine.

p.s. I still don't know where I'm going. And quite honestly. I'm still so fucking excited.

POOP ON THAT SHIT!



:)

month.

1. nobody cares. stop telling us.

2. I'm terrified. Pretty soon, goodbye won't be just for a few long hours, and days. And short weeks.

3. Pretty soon goodbye will really mean.......exactly that.

4. Holy shit.

5. I know what it's like now...to be loved in misunderstandings. To be loved in chaos. To be loved in the future.

6. I know what it's like to be loved in the future.

7. I'm terrified.

8. Miss.

9. Letters.

10. Cookies.

...Goodnight for now. sleep tight, for now.

I SAID GOODNIGHT.

I dunno man,

I still think it'll all be okay.

Everything is going to BE OKAY.

HA!

It's nice. Really fuckin nice.

I miss eating ice cream.

ya know, for a while...I was stuck there.

But today. I felt myself grow-up some more.

And all I had to do was run.

explanation.

I must be a Monster.

RAWR!

Calm down.

how many is it again?

We are taught at a young age to cover up what we are actually feeling.

You want a lollipop...your mom says no...so you cry. And immediately she says, 'SHHHHH!'

You aren't allowed to let people know that you are upset at the fact that don't get to taste that red lollipop.

You stub your toe, but you aren't allowed to just yell 'FUCK!' and get away with it.

--Socially, unacceptable.

From those days onward...nothing is really true. No one says it. No one means it. No one does it.

Paranoia? Maybe. I wish I knew what I needed help with.

I wish I could say I was always honest. I try to be, and sometimes it works out and sometimes...well it just doesn't.

But please, don't be a hypocrite thinking that you are some noble leader of your kind.

Maybe it is your fault. After all... and eye for an eye don't you think?

Or, maybe, it's just an eye-lash...hell I can't remember.

I guess, my point is.......I want to cry when I don't get to suck on a red lollipop.

..........yeah.

That's all I want.

To do...

1. Grow the Fuck Up.

2. Be more attractive.

3. Climb a tree.

All equally do-able and exciting.

(this isn't for me ya know...well, entirely.)